


Behind the Attic Wall

by nagi_schwarz



Series: Foxtrot [71]
Category: Stargate Atlantis, The Dollhouse - Fandom
Genre: Crossover, M/M, not actually RPF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-19
Updated: 2016-03-19
Packaged: 2018-05-27 16:41:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6292141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nagi_schwarz/pseuds/nagi_schwarz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the comment_fic prompt: <i>Any, Any, Behind the Attic Wall (Sylvia Cassedy).</i> John, Joe, Evan, and Rodney on Foxtrot's birthday, just after the end of McKeller. Set post-series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Behind the Attic Wall

Rodney still couldn't understand what he'd done wrong. He and Jennifer had been close to making up, he was sure of it. He knew she had been furious at John, because the entire time Rodney had been with her she'd felt like she was second string to his intense camaraderie with John.  
  
"I know you're not a soldier," she said, "but I get that you've bonded like soldiers, and I was only out here for two years, you've been a team for five. But soldiers have families outside of their military units, don't they?"  
  
Rodney had thought Jennifer and Evan and John were his family. Somewhere along the way he'd figured out John was in love with him, but John had always been respectful of Rodney's relationship with Jennifer.  
  
Just because John was in love with him shouldn't have changed things.  
  
Except for the fact that Rodney loved him back. Had loved him back for a while. He hadn't told John what he'd told him on the pier during the brain parasite incident out of the blue, off-the-cuff. He'd been feeling it for a while, been trying to figure out how to broach the subject, and then John had done it instead, had told Rodney his greatest secret, and suddenly all those odd moments over the years had made sense, like when John unexpectedly knew something about physics that really should have been beyond his education, or when he'd laugh at a joke that couldn't possibly have been funny to him.  
  
But when Rodney had come out of the surgery after the parasite, he'd resigned himself to the fact that John would never make a move (couldn't, stupid military regulations, though those were thrown out of the window on a fairly regular basis on Atlantis), and he'd moved on. And he loved Jennifer. He did.  
  
Deep down, he knew why she'd left. She'd seen what everyone else had seen when the memory first came back. The fury, the rage, the betrayal. Because John had offered him the thing he'd wanted most all those years ago, and then he'd taken it away so thoroughly Rodney hadn't even remembered it. But now Rodney did remember, and all of Jennifer's fears about being second string had come true.  
  
Rodney had told her about his conversation with John, that they would be able to get back to the happy homeostasis they'd enjoyed before.  
  
And one day he'd come home from work, and she was gone.  
  
He was back to not talking to John. Joe and Evan were back to hiding in the kitchen, comfort-baking and trying to feed happiness back into everyone, like a pair of Greek housewives (Joe was getting better at cooking and baking under Evan's patient tutelage).  
  
Rodney didn't know what to say. He was still so hurt and angry, but he still loved John. Always had. And maybe not always in the way John would have wanted, but the potential was there. Had bloomed once, then withered away, been tucked aside for wistful safekeeping without hope of ever getting real room to grow again.  
  
And then that memory had returned, and with it the sun.  
  
A scream pierced the night.  
  
"No! Not the attic! Please! Nononono –"  
  
Rodney was out of bed in an instant. John. He threw open his door and dashed for the stairs – and crashed headlong into Evan, who was coming up the stairs. They stumbled, righted themselves.  
  
"What's going on?" Rodney demanded.  
  
"Joe," Evan said, ducked around Rodney, and kept heading up the stairs.  
  
Of course. Joe. Had the same voice as John. Was still shouting.  
  
Rodney turned and followed Evan to Joe's bedroom, because Joe was his friend too.  
  
Evan had thrown open the door and leaped onto the bed, gathered Joe into his arms while Joe shuddered and sobbed.  
  
"I'm sorry," Joe whispered. "I try to be my best. I try to be my best."  
  
Evan pressed a kissed to his hair, rocked him gently. "Hey. It's okay. You're my favorite. You're always the best for me no matter what. I love you, all right? It's okay."  
  
But Joe was still shaking and whispering, "I try to be my best."  
  
Evan closed his eyes tightly, grief and fury warring on his face, and then he kissed Joe again, softly.  
  
Right. Joe had Evan. Rodney wasn't needed here. He took a deep breath and turned to go.  
  
A scream pierced the night.  
  
"No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I'll be good, not the attic, _no_ –"  
  
John. Rodney turned and ran for the stairs, almost slipped in the hallway, threw open John's bedroom door.

John was thrashing on the bed, fending off nightmare attackers.  
  
"John," Rodney said. He tried to reach out, shake John, but he had to dodge flailing limbs.  
  
"Please, no, Topher, I'm sorry, don't –" John arched his back and screamed like he'd been electrocuted.  
  
Rodney was on him in an instant, pulling John into him, wrapping arms and legs around him and immobilizing him. Rodney leaned in and whispered in John's ear.  
  
"John, you're safe now. You're not at the Dollhouse anymore. Everything will be all right."  
  
"Now that you're here," John breathed, and abruptly went slack.  
  
Rodney recoiled, stung. Had he just triggered something in John's brain that the Dollhouse had left behind? John was still now. Rodney could let him go. He startled to untangle himself, but a hand on his arm stopped him.  
  
"Rodney?" John's eyes were open.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"You were having a nightmare. About the Dollhouse. I came to check on you. You were thrashing pretty badly, so I restrained you, so you wouldn't hurt yourself."  
  
"Thank you." John sounded exhausted, subdued. "Of course I had a nightmare about the attic. Joe probably did too. I need to check on him."  
  
"Evan's got it under control."  
  
"Right. Evan." John said his name wistfully. Had part of him been in love with Evan, too? "Joe has Evan. Lucky bastard."  
  
"What made you think Joe would have a nightmare too?" Rodney asked.  
  
John ducked his head, tucked himself under Rodney's chin, the motion seemingly instinctive. "Today's our anniversary."  
  
"Anniversary?"  
  
"It's Foxtrot's birthday."  
  
Rodney closed his eyes. "I'm so sorry."  
  
"Sometimes I kind of want to hate Joe," John said softly. "There was no way either of us could have comprehended what the Dollhouse was about. I submitted to the stupid neural scans because I assumed it was my father's paranoia about the health of his heir and spare. But Joe – he said _yes_. It was a stupid and naive choice, but it was still a choice. But I know what my father is like, what my brother can be like, and he didn't stand a chance, but I –"  
  
"Don't think about it anymore," Rodney said, and John snorted, because that was rich, coming from him, the man who could never stop thinking. "Just...think about –"  
  
"My own stupid choice? My own cowardice? How I could have told you, all those years ago, and we'd be lying together like this every night?"  
  
Rodney sighed. "No. Think about – think about tomorrow, and how wonderful it's going to be. We'll do something crazy and heroic, save the world. Save multiple worlds. Even a couple of galaxies, maybe."  
  
"Saving the world is wonderful for everyone but those who do the saving," John murmured, and he sounded sleepy.  
  
"Then sleep," Rodney suggested. And he began to sing in a low, soft voice, a lullaby his mother had used to sign to Jeannie, one of her only kindnesses when they were children. " _A la claire fontaine m'en allant promener..._ "  
  
John was asleep before Rodney reached the chorus.  
  
_Il y a longtemps que je t'aime, jamais je ne t'oublierai._


End file.
